This week has just been a testing one..

As I listen to this song my mind does start to clear up, but now my feelings of anxiety and defeat are annoying me. This is especially annoying when you know things are continuously on the up in terms of performance on Youtube etc,

At this point I really am starting to think I need to do something drastic like find another job, or go to the doctors. Either way I need to do something.

Well the D-Log for yesterday is late and will be going up as I write today's blog. Thanks to Keo, Nick, TheMerryUnicorn and Jake Williams for becoming followers I really do appreciate your support in the matter. (Novafrost you can follow too you know. :P) just like everyone else is.

I promise that the topic of anxiety will be something I try to not cover too much, heck I do not want you guys to get the same way hehe. I got paid by Machinima today for July's views which will go to some length to sort out a few little bits and pieces for sure. I just need to get through today though and the weekend will be here. I woke up this morning feeling a bit refreshed but as the hour progressed I again felt weird and under the weather.

I do have work later around 17:15 for four hours and will see how I handle that when I get in later. I just wish I could shake this feeling off because I know it is making me worse. What makes the matter funny though is the fact I know the problems are being fixed and will get sorted in time) I just wish I could flick a magic wand and they would all be resolved in a blink of an eye.

Staying positive though and I do need to prepare for the next quarter.

What's going on in the next few months:

Torchlight 2

As you all know on September 20th 2012 we will finally see the release of Torchlight 2 and it looks like me, Stevoid and Christine will likely be covering this as the time comes nearer. I already pre-ordered this title back in May I believe. That will be an interesting title for sure as I never really played the first but look forward to it. So expect this week to be a lot of coverage.

Lord of the Rings Online - Riders of Rohan

This of course will be the biggest title I will be pushing out content for when the game goes live on October 15th (pending any further [unlikely] delays). I really do not know if I will manage to get my Minstrel to level 75 before then though. However I will push as hard as I can, and would like to live stream the whole journey. This of course will be a bit tricky with time restraints such as work but I think a challenge like this might be fun.

Guild Wars 2

I will still be looking to cover Guild Wars 2 slowly, but not as intense as all the mainstream youtubers. I will just have too much going on to be able to do it justice. I will still do regular live streams of the game, I really do enjoy the PvP but as you know I have the other projects to work on.

Also note during all of these projects I have the long list of LPs to finish off which will take some time. However rest assured I aim to clear up these backlogs as much as I can over the winter months. Also expect to see more Slender, DayZ, The Walking dead and other good stuff.

The Walking Dead

This is something I rate high on my "To-Do" list and aim to have episodes 2 and 3 up within the next fortnight. Then there will just be the matter of Episodes 4 and 5. :) Nuff said! 

Du-Craft

As you will have also noticed I have wanted to cover Minecraft and do single player Lets Plays. However with the workload as it is and the fact I find it a little daunting, so I am considering working on the server again and do a MP run aswell as some maps and other cool stuff. At the moment though I do not expect there to be a rush of Minecraft stuff going up in the short term at least.

Games/other stuff I am unlikely / on the fence to do:

Call of Duty - Black Ops 2

Well as time comes closer I do not know what to think about this title. I usually sit there and go "lame" and all the other cusses people throw at the game. However even if the fun is short lived it is still pretty decent I guess.

Nintendo Wii U

This was a console that interested me and honestly it still does, but with money being tight at the moment I have had to write it off of the list. It would have been awesome to get one and show it off on the launch but that is just looking unlikely right now. Unless I get a huge view spike or possibly set up a chipin and see if people want to help then I do not see it happening. Sorry folks. ::-(

Well I just checked out the price for the console here in the UK and it will be £350 for a premium version with one game, so definitely out of my price range. Ah well.

Source: Play.com

Borderlands 2

I am pretty much not going to be following up from Borderlands, at least in the short term. I would love to get it but again it is a matter of getting #1 done first and the fact Torchlight 2 was scheduled to come out on the same day makes it tricky. I personally think for them to choose to pick the same day as Borderlands 2's launch is stupid as BL2 will obviously overshadow it like you wouldn't believe.

World of Warcraft - Mists of Pandaria

No, sorry just not going there. Nothing else to see hehe.. move on.

I will wrap this up with a list of the other games I would like to get, but until someone upstairs looks after my bank balance they will be unlikely to arrive on my desk.

Resident Evil 6, but then as I look at the list there is not really that much going on that I want hehe. I guess this half of the year will be a quiet one. But yeah I just need to keep hoping things work out because I just do not know where my head is right now. Thanks again to all of the support and well wishes over this past week but I just need to get myself out of this mindset and start having fun again. 

People say I need to get out a bit more and have fun, however when money is tight you really are limited to what you can do.  Keeping a stiff upper lip though, as the saying goes.

A new day and I feel refreshed (again)

So it is nearly 13:00 and the Cell games are about to start in DBZ, pretty good timing to be honest that I made it hehe. I didn't go to bed a bit earlier but it was still 2am in the morning.

Now there has been a lot of focus in my vlogs this week about my anxiety and I would like to assure you all that I am on the right track and there is no real cause for concern. I am still powering through things and even though I have been a bit under the weather the past few days things will be just fine.

So anyway moving on from the "real stuff" hehe I am considering doing some live streams today and try to catch up on some lost momentum over the past few days. It is a shame I have had a bout like I have recently because as you know I have been trying to make the big push to 2,000 subscribers by the end of the month.

The main reason that I have found myself growing a lot quicker over the past couple of months is partly in thanks to the live streams that I do on YouTube. From what we have found out over the past month or so the statistics built up during the live stream such as average view time etc all get pumped into the actual video.  This is not suggesting that you guys do not help as all your support in comments and coming to the events really does mean something, even if not analytical.

So I am just considering doing a Guild Wars 2 stream, however really I should do more LOTRO, because if you consider it there are only four or so weeks until the expansion goes live. I just need to sit down and play the game super hard and I will make it. Maybe I can get some help from people on the server we will see. :) I am usually one of those people who will find it hard to accept help being a proud person but I guess some times you have to put them feelings to one side and get on with it.

Now just to catch you up on the recordings I have done so far..

Fallout: New Vegas

Right now I find that I am working through Freeside and have managed to help sort out some major problems in terms of addictions and food problems. There are enough videos available for around a week or so. Over the weekend I will look to build on this

Borderlands

Enough was enough with this LP as I neglected it, it had been hard to maintain this due to real life limiting time for each person to meet up to record etc (which is to no fault of anyone). So on monday evening, me Stevoid and Christine (a friend of Stevoid) got together to continue the LP. We managed to get around 8 episodes done before we decided that Christine needed some more levels under her belt. (Chris is half of our level and we should have not made her struggle hehe) To be continued..

Darksiders 2

I am not going to say too much apart from the fact the controls sucked and I lost patience with the game, so this will be on hold for the time being to get other projects up to speed. I do enjoy this game but with it being a bit of a pain in the butt I can happily put this on hold.

Other projects (such as The Walking Dead, Minecraft and DayZ)

The thing with these projects are, even though a lot of fun are something I will have to fit in at least in the short term. If you could see the list of the games that I need to cover (LOTRO on its own is a HUGE uptaking) you would be as shocked as I am. (I will talk about these projects in a future blog as the list is wow. 

Suffice it to say I will be looking to record and publish The Walking Dead Episodes 2 and 3 ASAP as these will only take around 2 hours to record. Also considering they will only be short LPs in their own mind I can get them out in quick succession giving me time before Episode 4 comes out sometime late October.

With minecraft I do have a stack of footage for a Tekkit series but right now it is on hold and needs rethinking. I really want to do the LP however I want to go through them and cut out a lot of trash to make the videos run well. Yeah the commentary we did was quirky but seeing me do the same mining over and over again can get old right? DayZ would be awesome to do but again I need to focus on the older projects but this is something that I would definitely look to get the ball rolling. Lets just see how things go though.

So to wrap things up

Today is just going to be a relaxing day before work tomorrow so lets see how things go. Thanks again for taking the time to read this and sorry for the long essay. :D

Have a great day all!

The start of the D-Blog

Howdy folks!

Well I am just sitting around at the moment and being lazy whilst watching Dragonball Z. Goku and Gohan have just came out of the hyperbolic time chamber just after the announcement of the Cell games.

Well I am not really sure what to say to start off these blogs, heh how can I say that when I can talk too much in my D-Logs.

Starting from today I will see how often I can put up blog posts. Firstly though what do you guys think, should I try to do it daily as I do my vlogs or more like a weekly thing? It is so easy just to point a camera at your face and talk for countless minutes but even though I can touch type really efficiently thanks to a mechanical keyboard coming up with stuff to talk about is just strangely tricky.

Then again look I just typed  a lot of random garbage and I am already into the flow of things. The only concern that I do have is covering the same things that you will see in the vlogs too. However I guess some times people do not really have the time to sit down and watch a 5-20 minute vlog all of the time. So I guess it is a good idea to give people the chance to see what I have done on a regular basis.

Needless to say the day has not been too bad to be really honest. I have managed to upload a Darksiders 2 video and a Fallout: New Vegas is in the process of going up on the tubes. Perfect in my mind, considering I head to work in around four and a quarter hours from writing this post. I did consider doing a random live stream, however like last night I really did not feel 100% and did not want to be "half soaked" when casting. Watching some ill dude playing a video game and talking/sneezing and dozing off all at the same time... is not really a lot of fun in my opinion.

I hope you guys will enjoy these blogs and feel free to leave comments, I would love to see if this can be an ongoing concern. I really do feel that sitting down and writing these are going to help me. The one thing that I learned back in 2009 is to express myself and it really does help to do so as you do not hold things in. Writing this out already makes me feel better somehow, I guess because I am letting my mind flow into a wall of text.

Anyway that is enough for now I would guess, and I look forward to sitting down to do these more often. Maybe it will help me become more productive and less lazy when it comes to it. Thanks for checking my first post out and see you all in the D-Log. Hopefully when I get home from work I feel up to doing a LOTRO live stream.

Many thanks,

Dulayne!